i juz S-U-C-K .

back frm meeting jan. feeling bad, sad , miserable.

i juz hate myself. it has juz dawned on me dat i have already stopped making her smile. i dunno since when. but wad once were smiles and laughters before are now replaced with frowns and tears. i dunno y... i guess its juz my fault. i am becoming more and more wilful. less thoughtful. not sparing a tot fer others. SELFISH.

altho love is selfish, i have never considered e fact of hw much stress and misery i'm putting my dear princess through. i never intended to, and up till now, i dun want to. but i have done so. and i really wanna stab myself a hundred times to juz make myself feel better. but will it help? my pain won make up fer e stress my darling is going thru.

i dunno y...really dunno. i din realli mean to be demanding. juz insecure i guess. alot i have to say. too difficult to put into words. i am becoming over-reliant on her daily msgs, phone calls and e swt whispers. too reliant such dat even one part of all these is missing a day, i wud feel utterly miserable, disappointed, lifeless, like utterly drained of energy. she has become more of a girlfriend. she is my LIFE.

i'm beginning to hate myself. i really do. someone pls slap me. wake me up.