On e verge..rocky...hmphs... ):

on exercise flatsword this week. tough. din sleep enuff. din eat enuff. survived w/o sleep for a whole 24 hrs (i'm serious, nt a wink at all) and a curry puff on tues. tough enuff, and jan juz couldn make it worse. it was nearly over btwn us on tues night. i was so prepared to give it up le.. but oh wells, things turned up for e better. lucky..i dun wan to juz let it go like dat.

went fer half dat off yest. pushed so hard for it. and had to sacrifice my half day NTU interview off next wk so dat i could spend e day with her. and guess wad? my dear jan never fails to disappoint me. i juz knew it. beforehand dat wk, i actually asked if she had church on thurs. she said NO. and when i got my off after yest, she said she had to go cos her mom msged her dat morning and told her dat its obligation musk yest. i was angry..but oh wells, she said dat she won be gg. i felt bad, but was glad dat she could do so for me..but somehow deep down in my heart, i knew dat it was too good of her to be true. she seldom keep her promises....

oh wells, had intended to watch X3 with her yest. i din noe she wasn interested till she came over to my house to meet me,but said she didn mind. i dun wanna make her watch smth she aint very interested in. so we spent most of the time draggin on to make a decision. till we had no time to do so. oh wells.. and yeah...she decided to go to church. SEE?? i told ya...deep dwn i had already expected dat. oh wells, i was unhappy, but was okay with it,after all it was either me or her mum who wud be unhappy. she chose to disappoint me. fine..i dun wanna piss my future mother in law off either.

okaay... ): she said she wants to eat dinner first before movin on. i did so, walked her out to have dinner together before proceeding on. while walking out, she told mi dat actually she knew of it like a week or two before. i was ENRAGED! i actually tot dat it as her mom who told her at e very last min. and it turned out dat she knew of it a long long time before. shit. its really shitty. its not dat i dun respect her religion or whatsoever. i juz cant stand e tot dat she actually dun place 'meeting me' as a priority. she knew she might meet me. and she never took note of her musk.

fine. i had no mood to eat. not at all. asked her to takeaway and go. and u know wad? she actually did it! she bot her food, took a cab and left. it was 1 hr before her musk. and she's takin a cab. i cant believe dat i'm cherishing every min with her and she's takin me for shit. time with me isn dat impt to her at all...and did i mention she took her own sweet time to come to my house in e afternoon when i rushed back home to wait for her in e living room. not wanting to go up to my room to change in fear dat she wud arrive anytime, so dat i could go out with an umbrella bcos it was drizzling. i treat her like a princess, and dis is wad i get, she's taking me for shit.

den today, she actually told me we shudn..oh wells. nvm. but i was unhappy dat she din tell mi wad she felt and told mi only now. okaay. and den she din bother to call me when i refused to reply to her msgs.

maybe i'm nothing to her. nothing at all.....