back...

back from meeting jan. din meet as long as we planned to.
wanted to meet at 11 in e first place. but decided on 1130 last night so dat she could get more sleep. but even den she couldn make it..cos her dad bot fd..yeah...she had to stay at home to eat.
she called me at 1054 dis morning, told mi she had to eat cos her dad was buying food.
GREAT.
i was juz on e verge of leaving home le..luckily i din. and she said maybe we shud meet at 12 instead. frankly speaking..i was so sian diao. i didn feel like gg out anymore. i mean, y couldn she call mi earlier...like e moment she knew she had to eat at home first and couldn make it in time?? wad if i already stepped out? ugh..i juz know dat i was rather pissed. i din even read her msg after dat...
i was angry..lol. i dunno fer wad...seems quite a small matter to be angry over for. maybe i'm juz temperamental..juz like wad she said.

but i guess its bcos i was so prepared to NOT b late today. i showered , shitted , did my hair , changed all so early in advance. and i was like waiting fer e time to leave home nia. and den wad..she's gonna be so late. and den i knew dat she won b making it punctually at 12...bound to be late de... den its like an hr plus spent with her only.
really very sian diaoZ..

thinkin rationally, it is really not worth it to go all e way dwn dere juz to meet her fer awhile. but on e other hand, i juz couldn help it. no matter hwi felt, i juz felt my legs carryin me to e mrt station. my mind doesn wanna go...my heart do.

it was raining, i missed e bus. i freakin ran in e rain all e way to bedok. juz to see her asap. knowing myself..i won do dat normally.i feel quite dumb doing dat. but oh wells....i did it. bleahx.

when i saw her face, i couldn get angry anymore. i dunno y. juz couldn get angry with her. i cant bring myself to be unhappy with her or wad la. i juz kept quiet. her smile juz melts my heart. (:

and yeah..juz spent our time in coffee bean talking and drinkin only. din do much. ):
but who cares...every sec with her is quality time spent. (:

running into a deficit le...have Xceeded my budget by alot..and i really mean ALOT over 2 months. i really dun dare to draw money le. and i have resorted to taking money outta my drawer to spend le..altho i dun really intend to. so yeah...i have only 30 bucks in my wallet to spend with one wk to go. i dunno how sia. I NEED MONEY!!! how to go out la....argh...
and to make things worse...v day is round e corner. GREAT. ugh.

i dunno, i feel dat it might be wrong to say dis..but, sometimes i dunno if wadever i'm doing for her is worth it not. i dun wanna do too much. afraid dat she might take me for granted. i dunno...haix. i mean, sometimes i feel dat she's gg out/meeting me only becos i want to..and so as to not make me unhappy.and not bcos she feels like it .i dunno...kinda unfair to say dis...maybe its juz becos she doesn show it. i dunno. me and my insecurities.

but i noe la..she wans to meet me de. i can feel it when i see her. (:

kinda regret gg out today. shud hve played golf today. farts.
hands itchy. LOL.

maybe its juz me...i'm a lousy boyfriend. i have been trying my best..but ya...i'm still a lousy boyfriend. how much can i expect frm her when i'm not even good enuff? ):

seeing her fer a short time only these 3 days kinda made me miss her even more la...like haven seen her enuff lor..leaving me more...i dunno la.

but anyways, still glad dat i met her today. if not miserable. :x