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yes, she did it. she put the first drop of tear in my eye since sec 2. yes..i may sound like a wussy, but i gotta admit...tears welled up in my eyes when she told mi she's nt gonna make it fer v day cos of work. of course, i quickly ended e conversation and proceeded to wipe em off before they drip outta my eyes. gosh..i really couldn believe it...tears..haven seen em fer quite some time. man...

i wud be lying to say i'm nt upset. but i'm definitely not angry. i understand. she's gotta work.
and if she ask to change dis change dat when she haven even started work, might nt reflect well on her.

yep..i dunno y i'm takin so hard. its just v day wad. just another day. another date. but my heart wrenched when i heard e news. i dunno y.
i guess bcos i was kinda thinkin abt it since 1 mth ago? and i had been askin fer off on feb 14 since almost 1 mth ago as well and pple were kinda sayin dat i was so anxious. yep..dat was hw far i went to make sure i got to celebrate it with her. i went ALL OUT.

and i had even been thinkin of hw i'm gonna make it a perfect evening. had lotsa ideas. but fortunately, no plans yet. if nt i dunno hw i'm gonna take it if i had already arranged everything. have been trying very hard to come up with a surprise. no need fer dat nw.

oh wells, seems dat she doesn hav e habit of celebrating v day de..yep. so i guess she din rmb to remind her manager even tho i dropped occasional hints ( which might nt be obvious enuff ) to her. well, if its ok with her to give it a miss, i guess i won have much to say. she shud juz go fer work lor...won hav a nice evening if i force her. guess it juz isn impt to her ba...

and guess wad..i might be spending it in camp..lol. i guess its gonna be much of a surprise to e others. i mean, i really dun see e point of meeting her at 10 at night when almost every single place is closed le.wad can we do? juz sit dwn and stare at each other? i dunno..haix...

i'm very confused nw. my mind is in a blank. it seems she hasn msged me back. hope she isn feeling stressed or wad. cos i am definitely feeling much more stressed up den her. my normally quick thinkin mind which provides me with a proper analysis and plans seems to have left my body. my heart feels sore.

looks like e long run to parkway parade via east coast park hasn done much to make me feel better. leaving me with two ultra sore calfs which are on e verge of cramping soon. u wud never believe hw fast i ran. guessed i juz pushed myself a lil too hard.
found e pasta fresca place at e park le..but i guess i won need to noe anyway.

its all dat sheena , sheela or wadeva mother fuc*ing hualala's fault. got no cow sense. damn her.

i dunno..i need someone to talk to now..feeling kinda lost now. dun feel like doing anything. dun even wanna think of anything bout meeting jan tml and fri le..kinda sian diao le.

i'm afraid i wud wanna cry agn if i tok to jan. haix..i shudn have been dat cold to Al when she msged me dat day. she wud lend a nice listening ear to me. :(
was i wrong to make jan e only girl in my life?

i've been trying very hard to be a nice bf. trying to be better den e others before me.
but i've juz realised, i'm still a childish , wilful , selfish and useless boyfriend.
maybe she juz deserves better. :(