i dunno...i'm so lost on this road of my life.

had a small argument, not really one but oh wells...yeah - again.i dunno y but such small unhappiness are occuring rather often between us.

i'm not sure... but i dunno. i always think its her fault but i always end up saying sorry and making myself e guilty party. after some thinkin, i always felt dat it MIGHT be my fault as well. i really dunno. this time round, i'm rather more disappointed den angry.

it really saddens me on e fact dat she doesn believe me. Sure...sometimes i do sweet talk, but my sweet talk arent based on nothin. i juz make e truth sound sweeter, dats all. and this time round, it has nothing to do with sweet talking anyway. i told her e truth she doesn believe me. FINE.

and she lied to me, when she has promised me not to. it hurts me so to juz think of dat.

thirdly, how much does wadever i tell her get into her head? i dunno if she is uninterested or wad dat she can forget ead i said to her within 24 hrs. and yeah..sometimes she juz block my words off such dat she won answer me at all. it pains me so.

and she always juz admit dat its her fault whenever i am unhappy. w'o trying to explain or whatsoever. it juz makes mi think dat she cant be bothered.
and 1 thing dat made me fly into rage this afternoon was she actually said she dunno wad to do and told me to do whatever i want. yeah - she cant be bothered - again.

haven realli msged/ talked to her today. I MISS HER. but i really dunno wad to do. i really love her. to e extent dat yat hong could tell so juz by lookin at my face while we were talking abt her fer awhile during range yesterday. yes...its written all over my face. I LUV JAN.

i really wanna believe dat she really loves me. but i'm lost and confused. i dunno wads e truth anymore. i dunno wad to believe and wad not to believe. tell me..somebody juz tell mi wad to do.

in an extremely bad mood today. kinda snapped at a few pple and was rude to a couple others in camp today. and things didn help when mum shouted at me in e car when she sent me to book my TP in e evening. juz makes me feel maybe im juz redundant in this world.

ppl might be more better off w/o me. maybe jan would be a happier girl if she didn even know me in e first place. and might fare well in her A's.
i dunno if i'm good enuff fer her, really dunno.
or i might just n0t be e one for her.
drats, i shouldn have appeared in her life.

sad, disappointed , confused, annoyed...wad am i feeling? all of em. ):


JUZ KILL ME.